Tuesday 30 April 2013

life is rushing by so fast

 Hi guys!

I know on Facebook I promised to be back with a new post at the weekend, but somehow it didn't work. I had a really busy week job-wise and in addition to that I find myself struggling with some unexpected emotions again way too often.
To cut a long story short: I'm having a hard time with myself again at the moment. I'm so busy trying to make a living and trying to keep everything going that I end up feeling like I'm not living at all. Working all day long feels right when I'm at the office because I can really use the money, but in the evening when I come home I feel like I missed out on all other aspects of life completely after doing the 9 to 6 thing five days in a row.
I try to use my spare time for something productive but end up brooding over why I can't get certain things straight instead of enjoying a relaxed dvd night at home.
At the weekends I try to go out, meet new people and have a good time and it feels great when I'm in the middle of doing this - but the day after I wonder what it was all for and why it feels so senseless.

Is this necessary? Do I have to go through this emotional rollercoaster to figure out who I am? Do I have to drink too much to find out that it's pointless? Do I have to meet really messed up people to realize that I'm not as messed up as I think? Or because I really am that messed up too? Do I have to go out and party to notice that it actually only is a waste of time and money?
I don't know.

There is so much going on inside of me and also around me and still I've been feeling like a sleepwalker by day lately. The irony about this is, that I still can't sleep properly at night by the way.
It feels like life is rushing by so fast that I can't get a grip on it. Maybe it's also because my birthday is approaching and  because I've been feeling like an amputated limb since the breakup anyway.

Life goes on though and I'm trying hard to keep everything going, the jobs, university, social contacts and all.
Not really sure what I want to say with this post anyway, but I needed to get this off my chest and writing it down here at least feels better than going on my friend's and family's nerves by sounding like a broken record over and over again.
I often wish someone would ask me how I feel and then, even if I say I'm fine, say "No you're not." and give me a hug.
But that's not how life works and that's not going to happen, so instead I carry on and try to get used to that you can only rely on yourself when you feel low. No one is going to get you out of this mess, you need to do it yourself, period. I'm trying and I'm on a good way, but at the moment it has gotten pretty hard again.

Well, this too shall pass. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
I'm going to watch Misfits now, have a glass of wine, some cookies and do my best to get myself out of this hole again.
New outfit post as soon as I feel better, I promise!

Hope everyone else is doing fine? Have a good week!

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  1. I wish I could fly to where you are, give you a big hug and have some cookies and wine with you1

  2. Ich denke an dich! Und wenn ich dir irgendwann mal zufällig über den Weg laufe, dann umarme ich dich... Versprochen! :) Du schaffst das! Da bin ich mir sicher!

  3. Liebe Carina!

    Oh wie ich dich verstehe... Party hab ich schon lange aufgegeben, weil mir irgendwann alles etwas sinnlos vorkam.

    Jetzt suche ich mir Events aus, die mich wirklich begeistern. Selektiv, nicht weil gerade Wochenede oder Feiertag ist.
    Wie neulich das Moneybrother Konzert. Ich muss mich dennoch oft überwinden etwas zu tun, aber im nachhinein geht es mir doch besser.

    Da mein Freund gerade bei seiner Familie in den USA ist, und wohl auch noch bis Juni dort bleiben wird, hab ich mir Anni-Zeit verordnet. Ich habe wieder angefangen Sport zu treiben, lese unglaublich viel, schaue Tussi-Sendungen wie "Sex And The City" und "Army Wives", esse all die vielen (gesunden) Sachen, die ich Michael niemals vorsetzen könnte :o)

    Ich glaube das Geheimnis liegt darin, sich selbst als tollen Freund zu sehen. Es ist nichts falsch daran, einfach mal zu Hause zu bleiben. So lernt man sich selbst wieder besser kennen, lernt auf die innere Stimme zu hören. Und wenn man dann irgendwann sich selbst wieder gut versteht, kommt der Rest von ganz allein!

    Lass dir das von einer alten Frau gesagt sein ;o)

    Hang in there, girl!


  4. Ohhh ich kenne dich nicht, aber ich würde dich drücken, falls wir uns mal begegnen :-D

    Liebe Grüße,


    PS. Yeah Misfits zieh ich mir momentan auch immer 'rein.


Thank you so much for your comments, I really appreciate every single one! <3


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