recovering...please wait

Hello loves!

Yup I'm still alive, just struggling with a little ailment a bit.

I have so many ideas for new posts in my head and have been determined to finally prepare some new posts for the blog but never felt like it when I got home from work.

My problem at the moment is my right foot.

I have a very rare version of port-wine stains (dark red birthmarks) on my right leg all the way down to the tip of my pinky toe. Now one spot of these red stains is scratched open from an outdoor activity, it doesn't want to close anymore and is inflamed. As these stains are such a rare thing no doctor ever knew what to do about it when an inflammation occured - and that's the case again now.

I put iodine on the wound and wear special band-aids which I change at least twice a day but there is still no healing in sight. Last time when I had this problem the wound was open for a total of 2,5 years and then one day suddenly started healing. It's still a mystery why and how it did this, but it did.

I believe it's the same this time, I just have to be patient and wait until it goes away (f*cking hard I tell you).

It wouldn't be so annoying if the open wound didn't hurt like hell sometimes. Several times a day I get episodes of this sudden stinging pain in the wound which feels like a very fine needle poking the inflamed area. It can really drive you nuts because there's hardly anything you can do about it.

I haven't been sleeping much since Monday as these episodes of pain are especially bad at night. I've been feeling physically and mentally tired and this is the reason why I don't feel like going online after work. 

It will get better soon, I just have to try and make the wound heal somehow. For the moment I'm taking a little break from blogging so I can recover.

I will look after the wound, rest myself, eat healthily, do yoga to relax body and mind and carefully work out to keep the foot fit despite the pain.

I'll be back soon (probably next week).

Until then you can follow Bad Taste Toast on Instagram where I post pics daily!

foxes and a story about asymmetric legs

Hello loves!

Today I'm presenting you some foxes and my *so not ready for summer legs* in semi-transparent black tights. What a combo huh?

First things first: the foxes. This cardigan is one of those unintentional Ebay bargains - you forget that you bid on it and *Bam!* it's yours for only 5 bucks. I've always loved anything fox-printed so I was very happy about the won auction. The colours are pretty autumny actually, but here in Germany the temperatures drop to autumn level in summer a lot so the colour combo is just fine for the recent weather. The knit is really soft and cozy too, so nice! Paired with my summery shorts and sneakers it was the perfect outfit for a chilly summer day.

Okay, now for the aformentioned not ready for summer legs. Actually it's the same every year: Not only do I dread summer because of the heat and high air humidity, no, I dread it even more because in said weather there is no chance I can hide my legs.

I've always hated them for the red birthmarks that crawl up my right leg from the toes to the butt. Granted. I'm over it, I have learned to deal with people staring at it. But what actually really bothers me is the fact that my legs are asymmetric. No joke, take a closer look at the second pic in this post, look at the calves and you will see what I'm talking about. The red birthmarks on my leg somehow shrink the tissue and that's the reason my left leg is bigger than the right one. In most pics you won't see the difference because I've become pretty good at concealing it of course. But believe me, it's such a pain in the butt for me to find fitting jeans...

Anyways, most days I feel confident enough to still wear shorts or skirts and show my legs because A) I know people don't notice unless I tell them about the asymmetry and B) I am trying really hard to love myself with all my flaws inside and outside and get rid of this constant urge to critizise my body. I'm sure all of you know what I mean when in my last post I said that the road to self-confidence and to loving your own body is a struggle, it's really hard, especially with media trying to manipulate the image you have of yourself.

So it's enough now!

Today I feel good enough to post these pictures and say

*Yes I have asymmetrical legs and yes there's a bit of cellulite in the pics too, so what?!*.

I critizise myself way too often, tell myself I'm a freak, a mutant, too fat and whatnot. But it's enough now.

There's still a long road ahead but I can see progress already and posts like this one here are indicators for a slow but steady improvement that's taking place in my head.

What do you think my dear readers? How do you feel about yourselves?

It really is not easy nowadays but we should all try to not pull ourselves or each other down.

Happy Sunday!

whatever

Hello folks!

Gosh, it's Tuesday already! My last post in which I stated to be away from the blog until the weekend feels like I wrote it just yesterday. I am too busy, seriously. And on top of the busyness my internet provider had some problems in the last couple of days, so that I was offline for the whole weekend - I had to switch on the TV, can you believe it? I hadn't watched actual TV since the 26th of January (I remember that because it was my house warming party and I had to turn it on for the guests who wanted to see some stupid show back then). I really never watch TV, it was horrible. I'm so glad my internet is back!

Well, now for something different: summer is here. Real summer, like 32°C summer. I'm having a hard time putting together an outfit for tomorrow because today was hot already, but tomorrow the temperatures will be somewhere around 36°C (at least that's what the forecast says).

Phew, summer is really not my season (look at my chalk white legs, they can tell because they haven't seen sunlight for a year or so).

Anyway, despite the aristocratic whiteness (ha!) this year I feel confident enough to wear short shorts (yes there are long shorts too, just so you know). In the last years I was too self-critical and unconfident about my legs. No matter what others say, I'm still convinced they are my most unattractive body parts - they are bulky and the right one has these red birthmarks from top to bottom (or shall I say butt to toe). But now at least my legs are slimmer than before so I thought I could give the shorts a go and it actually works. There's still a part of me that feels strange about exposing my weakest spot but then again I see other girls with all different types of "leg shapes" rocking shorts or hot pants - so f*ck it, I'm in with the shorts.

I will stop rambling about self-dissatisfaction now because I know we all have our problem areas and lots of girls would be more than happy with my legs - but actually the goal should be to be happy and confident with your own legs, stomach, butt, etc.

I know that's hard but it's worth trying (I'm still in the process of getting there myself).

Wow it's midnight already, my days really don't have enough hours at the moment. I need to prepare my salad for tomorrow, drink my Ayurvedic purification tea (more about it soon) aaand prepare some clothes I sold on Ebay for shipping.

Give me a waistcoat and a pocket watch, my life feels like this all of the time (tihihi so cute!).

now playing: chvrches - recover

weight watchers: one year later

Hello everyone!

The other day I noticed that it's February, ha - yes I'm a bit late noticing it, I know... Anyway, the special thing about it is that one year ago, at the 1st of February 2012 I started putting my plans to lose some weight into action.

At this time I had been complaining about my weight and body for some years and finally had enough of it. The years before I had slowly gained lots of weight due to changing from a job in retail (running around all day) to an office job (sitting on your butt all day).

So one year ago I had 80,5 kilos and was really unhappy with it. For the record, I'm not saying it's wrong to have 80 kilos or more, because everyone has a different body and different proportions and a different "feel good weight", but I knew that this was not my personal feel-good weight and that it was high time to change the situation. Looking back I still think that I always looked good and dressed nicely, but still I also remember how unhappy I felt about myself way too often.

Now, after one year I have lost 15 kilos and can proudly say that I have reached my ideal weight and that I feel more than fine with my body in general. Of course there are always little details I'd still change about myself if I could and I admit I'm eager to try losing another 5 kilos only to see if my upper arms and calves might be a little more in shape afterwards, BUT in general I feel very good with 65 kilos now.

To show you the difference I dug out an old photo.

I have to underline that I am the most undisciplined and most unambitious person I know. I love food, I love to eat, also or especially when I'm not even hungry and I hate to work out.

I definitely wanted to lose weight without having to work out that much - yes I'm super lazy.

So here is how it actually worked for me.

For me it was and still is Weight Watchers. But I only registered for the online programme because I was not interested in regular meetings and all that jazz. Here in Germany it costs about 15 € per months, which is cheaper than most gym memberships.

Their online programme calculates a point value for every food and it calculates your personal daily point value that you are allowed to consume (they calculate it based on some personal information like height, weight, age etc.).

This point system is not for everybody, there are lots of people who prefer counting calories or simply go for other kinds of diets, but for me it was perfect. I needed one or two weeks to get used to it, but after that I was "in the flow of things" concerning point values of different foods.

I still have no clue how exactly it worked, but with this system I unconsciously changed my eating habits bit by bit. I automatically replaced unhealthy stuff with fruits and vegetables because they don't have any points at all, so I would rather eat a cup of fruit salad instead of instant pot noodles.

The main effect was losing weight of course, but a very nice side effect is that my digestion got much better and that I had less problems with an upset stomach. Luckily I'm not allergic to any kinds of food, but in the past I sometimes had problems with flavour enhancers or with meals that contained too much oil, cream and stuff like this.

I felt healthier - I had never thought that I would be able to notice these improvements so fast but I really did. I don't get a cold so often anymore and my constantly returning cystitis disappeared completely. Of course I treat myself to pizza, Mc Donald's and other fast food from time to time, but I don't live on microwave food anymore - and the very thought of this makes you feel healthier immediately.

Like I said above: I hate to work out. I'm way too lazy for this crap.

I admit that after a good long workout you really feel better and fitter - but most often I was too unmotivated to drag myself to the gym.

So you maybe won't believe it, but: during the weight loss process I went to the gym only once or twice a week and each time I only stayed on the cross trainer for 30-40 minutes and then went back home. And I lost weight though - so it is possible you disbelievers out there! I think if I had worked out more, I would have lost the weight quicker - okay, but I was not in a hurry anyway.

I cancelled my gym membership a few weeks ago because I simply hate the gym. I go to a 2 hours Wing Tsun (martial arts) class once a week regularly now and sometimes on days when I feel extra sporty I go running for half and hour or an hour, but that's it.

15 kilos less but still a couch potatoe - some things never change!

Oh and by the way, I have managed to maintain my weight for a couple of months now. Thanks to Weight Watchers there were not even the slightest signs of a yo-yo effect because when you have reached your goal you can easily switch from "lose weight" to "maintain weight" in their system.

Now you know my story.

I hope this helped, motivated, made you interested or at least aware of that it can work when you put a bit of effort into it.

I know other girls who had great successes in losing weight with other methods, but I'll stick to this one here because it turned out to be the healthiest and best-working one for me.

Until next time,

good days and point systems

Hi guys!

How are you?
I had a really good day. Uneventful, but good :)
I got some good news at work, headed homeward at 3 pm (I love working only half days), then went grocery shopping with Patrick and that's it. We brought home so many yummy things and now I really have to hold myself back... If you've been following along for some time you already know that I love food! Well, the other day I started to inform myself about the Weight Watchers points program and now I'm trying to stick to my personal point system... God, it's so hard! I've heard that they weren't able to use all their points per day and eneded up having pints left at the end of the day. Okay, seriously, were they eating carrots all day or what? My points are always almost completely gone after lunch. Maybe I'm doing something wrong ;) I will try to portion my meals in a different way, let's hope it will work.



♥ jacket: vero moda ♥ cardigan + hair bow: h&m ♥ shirt + scarf: gina tricot ♥ jeans: esprit ♥ shoes: converse ♥ bag: raleigh ♥ necklace: accessorize ♥ ring: six ♥



Well, I think before someone gets something wrong I have to say that I'm not going to diet like crazy (if you know me, you know I'm not remotely able to exercise so much patience and discipline haha). I have started to work out at the gym regularly, that is 2-3 times a week and I have found out that I feel better and that illnesses like a cold or cystitis seem to stay away now (knock on wood!). However, despite the gym, I haven't lost any weight yet, bummer! Yet no surprise if I look at my eating habits. So this is why I'd like to make a change and see if it works.
Keep your fingers crossed for me please, I will keep you updated on it form time to time.







The outfit was not special, but it was comfy and perfect for uni last week. Furthermore I've been kind of living in chunky knit cardis lately. Jeans, a plaid shirt, one of these cardis and the day is your friend - even when it's 8°C below zero in the mornings ;)

Have a nice day everyone!









now playing: philipp poisel - wie du

simple snacks

Hi guys!

After a food overkill last weekend I've been trying to eat some less hearty things again. I try to get a certain gym routine anyway, so paying attention to balanced eating habits is reallly important now. I've never been a fan of diets because if I forbid myself to eat certain things I want them even more - no discipline. And I have accepted that I will never be as skinny as I used to be when I was younger, so what's the point in torturing myself with dieting anyway?!
I rather try to balance a dinner date with salads and fruits the next day and I try to eat after some basic rules like carbs in the morning, less carbs for lunch and if possible only proteins in the evening. I've already lost 1,5 kilos with these rules but I don't expect a wonder and I don't have a bad conscience if I don't manage to eat like that every single day.
I'm taking it easy because I love to eat ;)



One of my favourite snacks is avocado cream - especially on hot days when I don't feel like eating warm meals.
Simply purée the pulp of two or three ripe avocados, ad fresh garlic, chopped onions, a squirt of lemon juice, salt and pepper et voilá: delicious spread.
So yummy on wholemeal bread!




I'm not a big fan of mere salad, but it's one of the easiest and quickest meals ever so I pimp my salad with some grated cheese, croutons and a mix of yoghurt and balsamico dressing to make it taste more interesting for my taste buds.

Do you guys have some favourite healthy snacks? I'm always open for new recipes.
Have a lovely day! :)



now playing: the red jumpsuit apparatus - face down

is there a ghost

Good morning my dear readers
and especially a big hello and thanks to the couple of new followers! :)


Today is my day off. I took it off to be able to pack my bag for our short trip to Berlin properly and now it's 11 am and all I managed to do so far is having breakfast coffee and taking a shower. So much to do ahead... I really need to make a checklist for what I have to pack and then again I have to add this point to my to-do list for today together with the appointment for having my eyebrows dyed, going to the city with Patrick to buy him a new shirt and meeting a friend to visit an exposition of the Kunstakademie Düsseldorf (academy of arts).
But hey, I love free days full of activity. Better than hanging around with nothing to do.




♥ skirt: fleamarket ♥ shirt: zara ♥ cardi & belt: h&m ♥ leggings: ergee ♥ shoes: thrifted ♥ hat: accessorize ♥ necklace: glam glass gifts ♥




The outfit photos are actually from Sunday when we had the loveliest sunshine weather and up to 10°C. The tempertures have stayed somewhere between 7-10°C since then and it's one of these beautiful crisp sunshiny days now.
I was able to leave out a second layer of tights. A clear sign, a herald of spring!
The skirt with it's bright yellow florals was the perfect piece to wear. It's my 2€ super-bargain from a fleamarket last year. I'm not completely sure, but everytime I look at it I get more and more convinced that it's made of a 70s curtain fabric by the seller herself. My only one of a kind skirt :)








Now it's time to make another official statement here on my blog to keep me motivated. Let me explain: my shopping ban for clothing and accessories works pretty good. I deleted my whole watch list at Ebay and although I had to go to H&M to buy a sleeping mask for the upcoming bus trip I made it through their sale section without giving in. I'm really proud of me because normally I'm like "Oh 5€ less in my wallet won't make a difference." But I have to stand firm.

Now that the shopping ban seems to work I have to start a new project. This morning I noticed that I'm starting to get a double chin! That's the last straw! I've been trying to turn my resolution to eat healthier into action since December but it just doesn't seem to be enough. It's over now with fried noodles and baked banana at 8 pm (which happened yesterday). I have to break my habits and rather get me some fruit salad or something in the evening. And I need to go to the gym again. Badly.
Does anyone have some good tips or maybe experiences with Weightwatchers or something like that?

Annotation: I'm not saying a double chin is something bad! It's just a sign for me to get something going. I want to be honest: it's hard for me to admit it but I have 80 kilos now, which is simply too far away from my feel-good weight!
It doesn't matter how much you're weighing as long as you feel good! But I don't feel good anymore. So please don't get me wrong guys! Having 80 kilos does not necessarily mean you have to lose weight! It's just a personal thing I have to work out with myself.




♥ butterfly clip: h&m ♥ scrabble necklace: glass glam gifts ♥ rings: six & accessorize ♥




Alright, that's pretty much it for today. I hope this post will keep me motivated enough to follow through with the shopping ban and change of eating habits. To get off the right foot I'll eat an apple now ;)

Have a lovely day!






now playing: band of horses - is there a ghost

If I were a garden

Hi guys!


If I were a garden I'd be an H&M garden because they had the prettiest floral designs this year :)
I snatched this lovely floral dress from their Garden Collection in the sale for 7 Euro. So good that I waited for them to mark down the prices instead of trying to get the pieces when the collection was launched :)



dress + tights: h&m, belt + necklace: thrifted, cardi: zara, boots: vintage






I thought the dress would be too short for me to wear it as a dress actually, but it turned out okay although I wish my legs were skinnier. Well, the endowments, whatever. I had so much fun combining the florals with the polkadot tights, I was so inspired to try out some more print mixing this summer and I'm trying to continue it in fall. Due to one of my favourite blogs Delightfully Tacky I never run out of motivation and inspiration concerning mixed prints.












To return to the short dress topic: What do you think? Should girls with rather chubby legs or love-handles or whatever try to avoid mini dresses or skirts? Or should they don't give a damn and wear whatever they like?
I've been thinking about it much lately and I'm curious about your opinion. I, personally, neither feel offended by curvy girls who wear minis, nor am I totally excited about it. In my opinion it's simply cool to take your body as it is without cutting back.
What about you guys?


Have a wonderful day! :)




now playing: his statue falls - bury my shell at wounded knee