Thursday 23 May 2013

one year older

Hi guys!

Today is my birthday.
I'm not saying it because I want happy birthday wishes and I'm not saying it because I want anyone's pity - I just need to say it (and write it down) to realize it myself. I am one year older now, I am 27. Period.
Damn, 27! That's no longer the middle of your twenties but rather the end of them.
I've been thinking a lot about time lately and how it rushes by. So much has changed since my last birthday. And the one before.
I'm at a point of my life where I have to rearrange everything, decide where I want to go, what I want to do, who I want to be. I'm all by myself now - first birthday as a single in what feels like ages - and I need to find out what else is out there for me apart from procrastinating my bachelor thesis, working for a student loan and pitying myself for having lost the love of my life while all the world and his wife are getting married and having children.
I know damn good that these are luxury problems - but they're still freaking hard to deal with.

I don't really know if I should be happy or sad about getting older. It rather feels like something negative to me at the moment and I wonder if one day I'll be like "Hell yes, getting older is awesome!".
I'm not good at dealing with changes - I never was and I'll probably never be - I think that's the problem. Of course changes are not always bad and when one door closes another one opens and of course everything happens for a reason, BUT (I apologize for the childish defiant tone in advance): why the hell does everything has to change?? Some things were good the way they were, so why the f*ck does life have to go along and make these changes? I could list thousands of things that used to be good but got overrun by change anyway and now they're not that good anymore.
I know that good things will come to those who wait and that after the darkest night there will be a bright sunshiny day and bla bla blergh, but I am seriously too freakin impatient for this crap!

Phew... I know all this stuff above sounds stupid and stubborn and sullen, but I had to get if off my chest and now I'm better. Getting older and dealing with changes sucks when you have no idea where you're heading.

Anyway, hope I haven't spread too many negative vibes now. I have to remember that basically everything is fine, my family, friends and I are all alive and well, hence there's actually no reason to complain. I just think I think too much. Stupid philosopher's brain in my head.

I will spend the evening with mum and the stepdad at a tapas bar and it will be nice despite my strange mood and I will stuff my face with tapas and drink a good sweet red wine and raise my glass to the memories of everything that used to be perfect before life came and tore it down with its stupid changes.
Here's to that I will either become more patient, or to that life stops saving the best for last and lets the good times roll now.

Hope you guys have a lovely day/night as well!

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  1. It really helps to get all these feelings out, whether it's to the world or to friends! I hate change too, it takes a very long time for me to adjust, but once you do you'll be good. You just have to keep pushing, you're going to be very happy in the future.
    Now onto more positive things, like HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 27 isn't very old, enjoy it!

  2. First of all, happy birthday. Yes, HAPPY birthday. Smile and be glad... for getting older and facing change sure does beat the alternative... being dead. I can't give you any rich "old folks wisdom" as I am only 28 but I have learned that certain things aren't taken away from us to make us miserable- they are removed from us so that our hands will be free to receive something better. May life fill your hands with many bundles of "better".

  3. Erstmal: Alles Gute und Liebe für dich. :)

    Ich kann deine Gedanken ziemlich gut nachfühlen - bin auch 27 geworden und finde es mäßig spaßig. ABER man kann ja sowieso nichts daran ändern und solange man kopftechnisch noch manchmal Kind sein kann, ist doch alles ok. :D (Also ich bin eins, zumindest oft.) =^.^=

  4. I know exactly how you feel lovely, getting older and not knowing what you're doing is nerve wracking! That's how it is for me at least! However, the thing to do is just take one step at a time, focusing on the future, the past and the negative can be scary and exhausting.

    On the bright side though, Birthdays are awesome because it means presents and really good food :D
    Happy Birthday!!!!

  5. yes you make me see that i should stop complaining about being old


    follow each other?:)

  7. Nachträglich alles Liebe zum Geburtstag! Lass dich mal umarmen *Riesenknuddler <3

    LG :)

  8. Oh ! Happy Birthday ! <3 <3 <3

  9. Heeeey, 27 isn't old!!!:D I'll be 27 in about a month and I actually don't feel the pressure of getting closer to 30. Or at least I hasn't until I read this! Thanks!:)

    Yes, Britney Spears became successful by the time she was 18, but that's not the norm. At 18 Bill Gates was still smoking weed at some college party or something, I don't know. What I'm trying to say is, that you have your best years still ahead of you (and me too, obviously:)). What goes down, must come up, you just can't stop moving forward. Happy b-day and 2 weeks, babe!!!


Thank you so much for your comments, I really appreciate every single one! <3


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