the last two days

(pic via here)


Hi guys!

First of all thank you very much on all the nice comments, tutorials and encouragement on my last post. I will try out your tips and tricks next time I get the wish for a bun hairdo.

The last two days have been an emotional whirlwind, so I'm sorry that I neither have a nice green St. Patrick's Day outfit (maybe this can make up for it), nor any other nice photos for you, but there was just so much going on.
I cancelled a friend's birthday party on Saturday evening because my grandma was brought to the hospital. She has appeared in my posts once or twice and as she had been suffering from dementia, she looked worse and worse every time we saw her.
On Saturday she had collapsed and in the hospital the doctors found water in her lungs. They expected her to pass away in the following days. I spent some time at her bed with my mother and despite of her dementia, she smiled when my Mum told her I was visiting. When we left it was my last chance to say goodbye but there wasn't anything useful to say in my head. It all felt so awkward... I knew I would go on my business trip to Budapest for two weeks and when I'd return back home my grandma wouldn't be there no longer.
Yesterday I thought of all the things I'd still like to tell her before it's too late, so I borrowed Patrick's car and drove all the way back to the countryside. I was alone with her, she was sleeping and when I talked to her about everything that came to my mind she reacted with moaning sounds in her sleep. It was so hard to see her lying there, not able to talk, not able to eat, dependent on foreign people to change her diapers...
I talked to her for about an hour yesterday, I hope she has understood it somehow - or that at least she knew she was not alone in this miserable situation. Then I said goodbye to her - the right way this time, with all the words I couldn't say the day before.
Very early this morning I flew to Budapest, worked at the office all day. When I checked in at my apartment after work today I got a message from my mum. My grandma passed away this afternoon.
Now she finally has the rest and peace she had longed for in the last years. She doesn't have to undergo this terrible torment of dementia any longer, she doesn't have to live this degrading life between some few clear moments and total abberation any more. I can't even imagine how it feels to don't remember how to say a word or how to chew and swallow food...
I will try to focus on the positive things here in Budapest now, my work, my co-workers, a planned little blogger meet up. And I will be there for my Mum via Skype as good as possible...
I will miss my grandma, but I know that she is feeling better now somewhere else where she can talk and eat and sing and cook and do gardening again.

Sorry that this got so long, but I had to get this off my mind somehow.
I'll surely be back with more positive posts again soon when this awful situation has abated a bit.