one year older

Hi guys!

Today is my birthday.

I'm not saying it because I want happy birthday wishes and I'm not saying it because I want anyone's pity - I just need to say it (and write it down) to realize it myself. I am one year older now, I am 27. Period.

Damn, 27! That's no longer the middle of your twenties but rather the end of them.

I've been thinking a lot about time lately and how it rushes by. So much has changed since my last birthday. And the one before.

I'm at a point of my life where I have to rearrange everything, decide where I want to go, what I want to do, who I want to be. I'm all by myself now - first birthday as a single in what feels like ages - and I need to find out what else is out there for me apart from procrastinating my bachelor thesis, working for a student loan and pitying myself for having lost the love of my life while all the world and his wife are getting married and having children.

I know damn good that these are luxury problems - but they're still freaking hard to deal with.

I don't really know if I should be happy or sad about getting older. It rather feels like something negative to me at the moment and I wonder if one day I'll be like "Hell yes, getting older is awesome!".

I'm not good at dealing with changes - I never was and I'll probably never be - I think that's the problem. Of course changes are not always bad and when one door closes another one opens and of course everything happens for a reason, BUT (I apologize for the childish defiant tone in advance): why the hell does everything has to change?? Some things were good the way they were, so why the f*ck does life have to go along and make these changes? I could list thousands of things that used to be good but got overrun by change anyway and now they're not that good anymore.

I know that good things will come to those who wait and that after the darkest night there will be a bright sunshiny day and bla bla blergh, but I am seriously too freakin impatient for this crap!

Phew... I know all this stuff above sounds stupid and stubborn and sullen, but I had to get if off my chest and now I'm better. Getting older and dealing with changes sucks when you have no idea where you're heading.

Anyway, hope I haven't spread too many negative vibes now. I have to remember that basically everything is fine, my family, friends and I are all alive and well, hence there's actually no reason to complain. I just think I think too much. Stupid philosopher's brain in my head.

I will spend the evening with mum and the stepdad at a tapas bar and it will be nice despite my strange mood and I will stuff my face with tapas and drink a good sweet red wine and raise my glass to the memories of everything that used to be perfect before life came and tore it down with its stupid changes.

Here's to that I will either become more patient, or to that life stops saving the best for last and lets the good times roll now.

Hope you guys have a lovely day/night as well!