Tuesday, 13 November 2012

on getting over it

Hi guys!

Today I'd like to get some things off my chest and tell you a bit about how I've been feeling lately.
For all of you who didn't follow the whole story: about a month ago my boyfriend dumped me after a beautiful and very special relationship that had lasted almost ten years.
In these almost ten years we rarely ever had fights - of course we had our ups and downs, but in general  we both had nothing to complain about.

Anyway, so he dumped me for certain reasons - I don't want to name them here because I don't know if he'd like me to tell it to the world. Let's just say that it was nothing about me, it was simply that he had changed a lot in a very short period of time and that we both went through some hard months before it was over.
Now you have some brief background info.

What I'd actually like to write about is the following: even though it was only about one month ago that we broke up, it feels like so much longer for me. You know these theories about how long it takes to get over a breakup, e.g. it takes a certain number of alcoholic drinks, it takes half as long as the relationship was, it takes a certain number of one night stands etc.
Well, I don't know if my feelings are fooling me, but - as crazy as it sounds - I think I'm over it already. And you know why? Simply because I spent two whole weeks complaining about that I don't want to feel low and that I don't want to cry and think about him all day and that I don't want to miss him every single second. I think that really is the reason - I didn't and I don't want to suffer.
I have actually suffered enough in the couple of month before the breakup and I was so fed up with crying and not being able to fall asleep and all. I've had days when I thought so freakin much that my brain felt like squish.
But after these intense two or maybe even three weeks after the breakup I came to the point where I had enough.

I will always love the person he was before he went through this sudden change and I will always miss his old self for it was what made me perfectly happy. We had the most amazing ten years together and I  wouldn't change a thing about the relationship we led, almost every moment spent together was beautiful. We also were best friends and it is really hard to lose the one who was the closest to your heart for so long - but I was sick of feeling down and so, following my wish, we stopped all contact.

And even if it's still hard to hold back and not text him, I see that I've been feeling much better since I've made this decision. I keep my head busy with other thoughts, I listen to radio plays at night to avoid  mulling, I meet new people, I try to do some more social networking again, I text with lots of friends throughout the day and I recently even started going on dates.
Of course there are these moments when my mind wanders back in time again - but they get fewer and fewer. It feels good to actually see the progress of letting go.

I don't know if I'm really over the hump already or if this is just the little up before another emotional crash - let's hope for the former.
All I can say is that, to my own surprise, I'm feeling pretty good without a boyfriend. It's strange how you say this in November when you thought you couldn't live without him before.

What has mainly helped me is university. I believe I wouldn't have been able to handle this breakup situation without my philosophy studies. Seriously, I think I would have been a total picture of misery without them.
What gives me strength is the belief in the theory that everything happens for a reason. Life is like a river flowing in a riverbed and you cannot push or stop the river - it will just flow the way it does. And even if you don't understand its bends and rapids and waterfalls today, some fine day in the future you will be able to look back and understand what they were for.
This might sound naive to some of you, but it is what I believe in and what helps me to move on.
It's a very positive kind of determinism and I like it.

To end this post with even more positivity: I'll move into the new apartment in the course of the next days and I'm so excited about it! You'll see some photos soon, promised!

Have a lovely day!

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  1. great post! with my last long-term ex, i was only upset for a day as i had been miserable enough for months prior to the official break up, so i totally sympathise with your situation!

    hope you love your new apartment!

    from helen at thelovecatsinc.com // @thelovecatsinc

  2. Carina! I hope you are feeling better - you are so strong! I enjoyed the post & look forward to hearing more about this new chapter in your life xx

  3. I hope you are feeling better, and it sounds like you are. You are such an awesome tough cookie!! It is hard to go through these things, but it can be positive too. My ex and I broke up in march, but there was literally 6 months prior to that of us basically being on our way to dissolving the relationship and I feel like during that time I really got over it
    I hope you're doing well and are happy in your new home!

  4. Manchmal nervt es mich, dass ich bedingt durch die uni und eigenem "nicht auszulöschendem Verstand" so viel nachdenke und alles zu tode analysiere und reflektiere, aber genau an solche sachen erkennt man, dass es auch vorteile haben kann pragmatisch über dinge nachdenken zu können, sie hinzunehemn und zu akzeptieren - ja sogar ganz gut damit leben zu können. Ich freue mich, dass es bei dir (auch) so ist.

  5. I will admit I've never been in a long term relationship so I cannot pretend & say that I can relate to what happened to you, but seeing people around me I know that breakups can be very hard.
    While reading through this post what struck me is your positive & optimistic outlook. I too believe that things happen for a reason. It's really nice that you can still be positive about your relationship with him. Though there may be some hard days but I know that you will be alright. Lots of internet love & hugs from me! <3
    Take Care, Carina

  6. I went through a very similar thing a couple of months ago and it took me a good 2 months of being down in the dumps before being able to say that I was feeling good again. Now I'm feeling better than ever, basically, which is a very strange thing to think about. Like you mentioned, when you're in a longterm relationship with someone you can hardly imagine living without that person and the though of having to do that is incredibly scary. But than shit happens and you have to do it. And it turns out that it's not all that bad, au contraire! You're a strong woman and you're doing amazing :-)

  7. Lovely post, and lovely blog!
    Wanna follow each other in GFC and Bloglovin’?
    Let me know!


  8. Much love and strength, hunny. <3

  9. Great to know you are feeling better and doing so many great things to take your mind off it all. I was reminded of one of my favourite quotes which I say to myself often enough - Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
    Big hug!

  10. Awwwr hun, I just want to give you a massive hug - this is terrible. I can really relate to it, but with breaking up all you have to do is give it time :) It sounds cliche but it does help!! 10 years is a long time - I have never been with someone that long. I bet it felt like half your life had gone. :) You will probably come through of all this better than before. If you need to chat, I'm here!

  11. you are so beautiful and very strong.
    i recently ended my four year relationship and felt this way too.

  12. Breakups are the WORST! But it sounds like you're very philosophical about it and doing all the right things to move on. Which is all you can do really - keep on keepin' on!

  13. I'm really happy for you and I'm so glad you're feeling better! You are being so strong with this all that makes us all really proud for you. The end of such a long relationship is never easy but I'm sure great things will come with this all!

  14. CARINA! YOU HIT LIKE A BITCH (not the offensive kind!) ;) STAY STRONG AND BE HAPPY,LIFE GOES ON AND TIME WAITS FOR NO MAN! I hope you will have a good christmas and get all your wishes come true. SENDING BIG VIRTUAL HUGS x


Thank you so much for your comments, I really appreciate every single one! <3


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