life is rushing by so fast

 Hi guys!

I know on Facebook I promised to be back with a new post at the weekend, but somehow it didn't work. I had a really busy week job-wise and in addition to that I find myself struggling with some unexpected emotions again way too often.

To cut a long story short: I'm having a hard time with myself again at the moment. I'm so busy trying to make a living and trying to keep everything going that I end up feeling like I'm not living at all. Working all day long feels right when I'm at the office because I can really use the money, but in the evening when I come home I feel like I missed out on all other aspects of life completely after doing the 9 to 6 thing five days in a row.

I try to use my spare time for something productive but end up brooding over why I can't get certain things straight instead of enjoying a relaxed dvd night at home.

At the weekends I try to go out, meet new people and have a good time and it feels great when I'm in the middle of doing this - but the day after I wonder what it was all for and why it feels so senseless.

Is this necessary? Do I have to go through this emotional rollercoaster to figure out who I am? Do I have to drink too much to find out that it's pointless? Do I have to meet really messed up people to realize that I'm not as messed up as I think? Or because I really am that messed up too? Do I have to go out and party to notice that it actually only is a waste of time and money?

I don't know.

There is so much going on inside of me and also around me and still I've been feeling like a sleepwalker by day lately. The irony about this is, that I still can't sleep properly at night by the way.

It feels like life is rushing by so fast that I can't get a grip on it. Maybe it's also because my birthday is approaching and  because I've been feeling like an amputated limb since the breakup anyway.

Life goes on though and I'm trying hard to keep everything going, the jobs, university, social contacts and all.

Not really sure what I want to say with this post anyway, but I needed to get this off my chest and writing it down here at least feels better than going on my friend's and family's nerves by sounding like a broken record over and over again.

I often wish someone would ask me how I feel and then, even if I say I'm fine, say "No you're not." and give me a hug.

But that's not how life works and that's not going to happen, so instead I carry on and try to get used to that you can only rely on yourself when you feel low. No one is going to get you out of this mess, you need to do it yourself, period. I'm trying and I'm on a good way, but at the moment it has gotten pretty hard again.

Well, this too shall pass. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

I'm going to watch Misfits now, have a glass of wine, some cookies and do my best to get myself out of this hole again.

New outfit post as soon as I feel better, I promise!

Hope everyone else is doing fine? Have a good week!

now playing: macklemore - starting over

dogs and art (weekend recap)

Hello loves!

Sunday again and oh boy was that a weekend...big fun but really exhausting.

Let's start with Friday when I visited my best friend and his darling dogs. It was awesome to hang around and play with the dogs or hit the streets of Silent Hill on PS3 - just like it was back when we were 15! Good times!

Friday night I was invited to a friend's birthday in Cologne, but didn't stay long for different reasons. By midnight I was on my way to the station already, but life is full of surprises, no? I met a couple of guys who were looking for a good party and eventually joined them, so we hit the clubs until daybreak.

These are these unique events that life throws your way. We met, we got along well, we partied together, had fun and went home without exchanging contacts. I'm pretty sure I will never see these guys again and that's totally fine.

Yesterday was "Long Night Of The Museums" here in Düsseldorf, so I pounded different locations with a friend. I don't really get modern arts (see first photo of this post...), but it was really cool and we saw some interesting stuff.

At KAI 10 there was a performance artist performing  "electro horror" with strange electro sound compositions and light animations. I've never seen something like this before, it was weird but pretty impressive.

We also visited a candle labyrinth in a church and afterwards headed for an exhibition in a former hardware factory. More crazy artsy shit (see below) there, I tell you.

Like I said, I don't really get modern art. But maybe that's exactly the point - people stop and wonder about a piece of art and  think about what it could mean. And even if you cannot find an answer for yourself, it doesn't really matter because at least the artwork triggered something in you. This is my excuse for being a philistine. What's yours? ;)

Have a nice Sunday!

now playing: macklemore - castle

darth vader and I

Hi lovelies!

I almost wrote "Happy Monday!" but whoops it's Tuesday already. I had the day off yesterday so it still felt like weekend to me. I didn't do anything exciting, I just went looking for some birthday presents because April is the birthday month in my circle of friends and family! Three in a row on the 17th, 18th and 19th - always expensive but also always big fun.

The rest of the day was spent lounging about in bed watching documentaries about Iceland, deep sea fishes and religious mysteries. Haha I know how that sounds - welcome to the nerd life! 

So, it's me and Darth Vader again. Yep we've become good friends since he was in the mail last year, actually it's my very favourite bag and I use it almost everyday. Why? Well, first of all because I like Star Wars a lot, but also because it has exactly the right size for all my stuff and because it's versatile, cool and I get lots of comments about it.

Yesterday even the punk kids who scrounged cigarettes from me gave me major props on Lord Vader and today at the campus bus stop I also got a compliment for my Stormtroopers bag. Conclusion? Star Wars bags rule!

I have to apologize in advance because as long as it's not too warm my outfit posts will most likely always include this favourite parka of mine. It's perfect for all kinds of looks, I throw it on and voilà I'm good to go.

Aaand another favourite in this outfit: the shoes. They'll appear here a lot as well. Beautifully soft leather, white soles, slim shape is all I need on my feet for spring.

What are your transition favourites?

Have a nice day!

now playing: macklemore - neon cathedral

our story began in the heart of a star

Hello folks!

This is me sporting my new Architects band shirt, how do you like it? 

I bought it 2nd hand via Kleiderkreisel for only 8 € and I'm in love with the simple yet interesting typo on the front. I think I'll wear this a lot, so the first thing I did when it arrived was putting together another "typically me" outfit with it.

I've been a sucker for cool casual looks lately, it's what I feel best in. Furthermore these are my roots, this is my youth: skatepunk, metal and emo scene, there is still a lot of it left in my style today. I wish I would have had today's style back then - I would have been one of the coolest girls in town haha.

Oh wow the old times, wasn't that a perfectly carefree time? So many good memories of hanging out at the skate park all day, admiring the boys, riding the bike through town in search of new teenage adventures, spending the weekends at the only small f*cked up rock pub there was and simply being up to nonsense all of the time.

You see I'm a little melancholic today... ;)

Architects is definitely a band that I would have to add to the soundtrack of my life if I had to name one.

I've known the music for a long time but somehow it was not before me and P broke up that I started engaging myself with their songs again. Thanks to P I know a lot of great bands that I would have missed out otherwise. We definitely shaped each other's taste in music over the last ten years and I will miss him coming home excited like a kid with a bunch of new records that would play all evening. Oh, the good old times again...

Anyway, a few months ago I started listening to all the Architects albums again, especially to their recent one and after a few replays it really blew me away. I already knew their "Hollow Crown" but from there to the recent "Daybreak" their style has changed a bit and I like them even more.

The lyrics are brilliant and the mood, the atmosphere of the music is a really good mix of thoughtful, angry, profound and sad.

They are mostly labeled as a metalcore or mathcore band, but I suck at labeling bands so I can only tell you to listen to the music yourself and get an own opinion about it if you're interested.

So, here we find ourselves on another Sunday again. Why oh why is the weekend over so quickly?

The weather forecast said it would be 20°C today but it seems the sun had other things in mind. I will try to go out and get some fresh air though, I'm waiting for my mum to call and come around for a coffee or if she can't come I'll meet a friend later.

What are your plans for today?

Have a lovely Sunday everyone!

now playing: architects - unbeliever

let’s fake another toast to the good life

Hi guys!

How is everyone doing? Hope your week went well so far! Only one more day to go until weekend, hooray! Plans anyone? I don't have many apart from a housewarming party tomorrow night, which will definitely be fun because it'll happen with the right people.

Have I told you how much I've been celebrating Macklemore's music lately? No I haven't, so here's what's up: everytime I feel like getting in a bad mood I turn up the volume and shake it to Thrift Shop and Can't Hold Us - and the world's my friend again. It's so amazing that music can always bring you up from your downs. And normally I don't even listen to hip hop - but this guy, damn, f*cking awesome!

There are other great tracks on the album The Heist too, but these two above-mentioned are the best, I could play them on repeat all day without getting sick of them. Also the lyrics are amazing in both the funny and the serious songs.

Highly recommended record!!

The outfit in the photos is what I wore on my day off yesterday. It's so me! It includes everything I like: black skinny jeans, flat shoes, cute prints, a nerdy tote, my favourite jacket, a beanie and a circle scarf - perfection to me! The ultimate feel-good casual look!

And I love it when people give me puzzled looks because of this "bad hair day" hat and the bag, so funny to see their reactions! Okay, I don't even understand why this hat puzzles people?! But what do I know, I'm only a  nerd with a very strange humour...

Anyways, in addition I would like to say again that I'm a sucker swapping clothes via Kleiderkreisel! These supercute Vans slippers, ladies and gentlemen, cost me nothing but the shipping costs for the item I swapped them for! Scooore! Yes! Swapping platforms are one of the best inventions everrrr.

Hm what else? I'm pretty tired today for I couldn't sleep last night, now my brain feels squishy and I barely made it through the four hours at the office earlier. You know, I even had my martial arts class yesterday with endurance training and all, so I was physically exhausted when I got home. Still my head was not tired at all, so I killed time with radio play, music and thoughts about the world and his wife.

Damn, I need to learn how to focus my concentration. Maybe I should really try a Tai Chi class or something like that? Does anyone have experiences with it? 

Have a wonderful Thursday my loves!!

now playing: macklemore - thin line

the new just not right skirt

Hello readers!

No I'm not dead, but I have to apologize for not managing to post more than once a week. I'm sorry, but it's been crazily busy at both of my jobs and in addition to the stress I've also been struggling with an on-and-off cold and swollen tonsils since last week. It's a war, I'm seriously starting to believe that my body is working against me. Feeling good, feeling ill again, feeling good the next day, dang...

Anyway, I couldn't afford calling in sick at work so I pulled through last week, hence the blog neglection.

So finally here I am again with a new outfit post! The temperatures still don't want to rise much here, but at least the icy wind has vanished and it's possible to wear skirts without freezing off your private parts. At least that's something right?

I totally wanted to wear my new skirt because I adore the colour so much! So off I went with it today - and do you know these days when you're wearing a piece for the first time in daily life and notice that there's something just not right about it? Well, this skirt, my dear readers, is an asshole! As long as you stand still it will look super pretty with its flared shape and drapery in the front and all, but once you start walking, oh boy... In the back it will stick to your butt like glue and in the front it will crinkle and roll its seam inside and crawl up your thighs in less than a minute!

I kept pulling this stupid thing down each 5 minutes! All day! Damn you H+M!

Seriously people, if you see this skirt in their recent collection, don't throw away 10 € for it...

Happy Monday (well, as happy as this day can be)!

now playing: funeral for a friend - the distance